What to do... What to do....

So here's the dilema, I love my kids but kinda want to get back out into the work force. My kids are 4 (soon to be 5), 3.5, 3.5, and 2. One is in preschool right now, the other two are gearing up for it next school year and then it will just be the boy and I until the year after that pre-school for him and then school for him, in what thats 2 school years, 3 year years away. But here's the thing, there is a position well suited to my strengths in business and its a very limited chance to get it, I want it but at what expense. I want my kids to go to a certain pre-school, but I also wouldnt mind working, especially with the current economy. Of course, this would all depend on if the pay was right and I could find a day care with in a certain budget. But if we do day care then it would be no pre-school where I want them to go. UGH. I'm so confused. I'm going to call tomorrow and find out about the job, maybe right there this will all end, but then again it could be that I'm even more tempted to leave the home. Why couldnt this have waited one more year, things would have worked out much better then.

Bad Monkey, no cookie :(

Sorry I've been such a bad blogger this month, I've been in kind of a rut. I don't really want to do anything but runaway. I think this whole being a parent, thankless job, thing is starting to really get to me and now the whole hunting season is about to start. I don't begrudge hubby being gone, we need the meat he hunts for, but I don't like being home alone and although he only mostly works and comes home, he still leaves these walls everyday for a period of time. I tend to completely whole up when he isn't home, I mean I have four friggin kids where am I to go by myself and either not worry about losing a child or being completely overwhelmed because god-forbid they listen to their mother. And to add insult to injury, I feel like a freak by all the people staring at me, not helping, just staring like I'm about to pop another one out any second. "man that looks like a lot of work" really, you think just maybe, hmm, just a little bit.

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I'm stopping myself now, the vent is more than enough and tomorrow morning I may just delete most of it but I need to get some of it off my chest. And before any of you mention it I do realize T was left at home for 7 weekends in a row with the kids, but I will have every day of the week and every weekend until the middle/end of December with them. So a few weekends is really not that big of a deal.

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Stopping again, definately have my period, (first day this cycle) and it's all coming out with my sleep deprivation, oye. Again Sorry about this and next post will hopefully have some knitting content, I'm almost done with Se's socks, so cute.